Rule #5 Never forget what’s sensitive. We all have areas or issues that are sensitive, things that are harder for us to talk about. You have them and so does your spouse. If you spend any time listening and studying your spouse you likely know what the sensitive areas are. It doesn’t mean they should be ignored, but they should be treated differently. Here’s the rule: the more sensitive the issues, the more sensitive the language. When your spouse senses that you are expressing sensitivity by being gentle with your words, they will likely give themselves to you and the conversation. Yes you can talk about the hard stuff, you just have to use soft words. Spirit and tone is everything! Colossians 4:6 Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.
Rule #6 Never forget to serve. We live in a world of rights and entitlement and when we bring this attitude into our marriage, we miss out on the freedom of losing ourselves. In marriage, it’s not all about you, it’s about serving and doing for each other. Sacrifice is life-giving. Couples that care for each other serve each other. So go on a serving kick; give it time and see if you don’t enjoy being married even more. Galatians 5:13 You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.
Rule #7 Never become a slave to debt. Financial pressure is a marriage killer. Remember the borrower is the servant to the lender; so beware. Worth Magazine did a detailed survey and found that the number one thing American couples fight about is money. Here are more details: Citibank did a study that showed that 57 percent of divorces are caused by money problems. If you have money problems, you don’t need a divorce, you need to learn to manage your money and avoid debt. Opportunity is knocking: you can improve your current and future relationship by staying out of debt and working together on money matters. I believe every couple should go through Financial Peace University taught by Dave Ramsey. Don’t make light of this issue – we are surrounded by consumerism. You have to learn the word “no”. If you don’t take control of your money, money will control you.
Rule #8 Never live by emotions alone. Love is a choice, not a feeling. Sure we feel deep emotions from time to time but love is not dependent upon feelings and emotions. Real and deep love is a decision of the heart. Feelings are awesome but they are not to be lived by. If you embrace every feeling or desire you have, you would drive your spouse crazy. Life is not meant to be a roller coaster ride. Don’t get me wrong – your feelings are important and so are those of your spouse, however they need to be considered and thought about. We have to evaluate feelings against the timeless truths and commands of God’s Word. Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Rule #9 Never embrace sinful habits. Sin is a killer to the health of a marriage. Sure sin affects the person but more than that it affects the couple. There are dark days where desire, temptation and opportunity collide, so be prepared; review what’s at stake. When we fail to count the cost of sin and compromise we can fall. The hurt and heartache associated with sin is an altogether different kind of pain. What kind of person do you want to be and what kind of family and life do you what to have? You and I answer these questions everyday by the life choices we make. Be courageous now and let God make your life and family a legacy for others to see the blessings of simple obedience. Let your life honor the Lord in all things and He will bless you beyond what you can imagine. Joshua 24:15 But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."
Rule #10 Never overlook the heart. Your spouse wants to know and feel your heart. But for this to happen you’ve got to share it. Expression may seem risky but living a cold, distant, detached life is far more relationally hazardous. Men, when was the last time you touched your wife’s heart and expressed your love and feelings for her? It may start by telling her again what you love about her. It may involve revisiting some fond memories. It does require you to talk to her and speak to her heart about life, love and feelings. Yes, feelings, you’ve got them you just have to let them out. Flowers, cards, gifts and dinner dates are great places to start but are no substitute for sharing, and she wants to know your heart. Ladies, know that this is not always easy for guys so don’t give up on him. Men are prone to talk more about money, work and sports, so getting him to talk about matters of heart takes patience and good questions. So practice relational safety, this is when you make it safe for your spouse to share with you without getting criticized or rejected. When we feel safe to talk we are far more likely to talk: that’s relational safety. Without question the book of Song of Songs expresses the heart and passion of a Man and a Woman’s heart and love.
Song of Solomon 4:6-7 The sweet, fragrant curves of your body,
the soft, spiced contours of your flesh
Invite me, and I come. I stay
until dawn breathes its light and night slips away.
You're beautiful from head to toe, my dear love,
beautiful beyond compare, absolutely flawless.