Eleven times in Jesus’ final words to His disciples, He calls us to remain. What does it mean to remain, or to abide? It’s all about connection! Jesus, in His own words, said “I am the vine, you are the branches” and apart from Him, we can do nothing. So how can we maintain this connection? It has to be about making our relationship with Him a priority. Jesus had to have known all that the disciples would endure. He knew how desperately they would need His life, power and love flowing into their lives. And He knows now, how desperately you and I need these same things.

With all this being said, this past Sunday, I issued a 7-day challenge for us to read a Psalm and a Proverb each day. Today, we are into day 2. My hope is that as you read these verses at least one word, verse or perspective speaks to your heart. This morning, as I tried to strengthen that connection, Proverbs 2:3-5 spoke to me. It reads:

 3 and if you call out for insight
       and cry aloud for understanding,

 4 and if you look for it as for silver
       and search for it as for hidden treasure,

 5 then you will understand the fear of the LORD
       and find the knowledge of God.

Now listen to Him say to you that word: remain. And hear it even echo up to 11 times, for this is how important it is for us to stay connected to The Vine. We are surrounded by branches here in the Northwest. Let them serve as a daily reminder to you to stay connected!

Please feel free to share a thought and how the daily reading spoke to you by clicking the post a comment link at the bottom of this post.

Praying for you!

Pastor Larry

Rule #5  Never forget what’s sensitive. We all have areas or issues that are sensitive, things that are harder for us to talk about. You have them and so does your spouse. If you spend any time listening and studying your spouse you likely know what the sensitive areas are. It doesn’t mean they should be ignored, but they should be treated differently. Here’s the rule: the more sensitive the issues, the more sensitive the language. When your spouse senses that you are expressing sensitivity by being gentle with your words, they will likely give themselves to you and the conversation. Yes you can talk about the hard stuff, you just have to use soft words. Spirit and tone is everything! Colossians 4:6 Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

Rule #6 Never forget to serve. We live in a world of rights and entitlement and when we bring this attitude into our marriage, we miss out on the freedom of losing ourselves. In marriage, it’s not all about you, it’s about serving and doing for each other. Sacrifice is life-giving. Couples that care for each other serve each other. So go on a serving kick; give it time and see if you don’t enjoy being married even more. Galatians 5:13 You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.

Rule #7  Never become a slave to debt. Financial pressure is a marriage killer. Remember the borrower is the servant to the lender; so beware. Worth Magazine did a detailed survey and found that the number one thing American couples fight about is money. Here are more details: Citibank did a study that showed that 57 percent of divorces are caused by money problems. If you have money problems, you don’t need a divorce, you need to learn to manage your money and avoid debt. Opportunity is knocking: you can improve your current and future relationship by staying out of debt and working together on money matters. I believe every couple should go through Financial Peace University taught by Dave Ramsey. Don’t make light of this issue – we are surrounded by consumerism. You have to learn the word “no”. If you don’t take control of your money, money will control you.

Rule #8  Never live by emotions alone. Love is a choice, not a feeling. Sure we feel deep emotions from time to time but love is not dependent upon feelings and emotions. Real and deep love is a decision of the heart. Feelings are awesome but they are not to be lived by. If you embrace every feeling or desire you have, you would drive your spouse crazy. Life is not meant to be a roller coaster ride. Don’t get me wrong – your feelings are important and so are those of your spouse, however they need to be considered and thought about. We have to evaluate feelings against the timeless truths and commands of God’s Word. Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Rule #9 Never embrace sinful habits.  Sin is a killer to the health of a marriage.  Sure sin affects the person but more than that it affects the couple.  There are dark days where desire, temptation and opportunity collide, so be prepared; review what’s at stake.  When we fail to count the cost of sin and compromise we can fall.  The hurt and heartache associated with sin is an altogether different kind of pain.  What kind of person do you want to be and what kind of family and life do you what to have?  You and I answer these questions everyday by the life choices we make.  Be courageous now and let God make your life and family a legacy for others to see the blessings of simple obedience.  Let your life honor the Lord in all things and He will bless you beyond what you can imagine. Joshua 24:15  But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."

Rule #10 Never overlook the heart.  Your spouse wants to know and feel your heart.  But for this to happen you’ve got to share it.  Expression may seem risky but living a cold, distant, detached life is far more relationally hazardous.  Men, when was the last time you touched your wife’s heart and expressed your love and feelings for her?  It may start by telling her again what you love about her.  It may involve revisiting some fond memories.  It does require you to talk to her and speak to her heart about life, love and feelings.  Yes, feelings, you’ve got them you just have to let them out.  Flowers, cards, gifts and dinner dates are great places to start but are no substitute for sharing, and she wants to know your heart.  Ladies, know that this is not always easy for guys so don’t give up on him.  Men are prone to talk more about money, work and sports, so getting him to talk about matters of heart takes patience and good questions.  So practice relational safety, this is when you make it safe for your spouse to share with you without getting criticized or rejected.  When we feel safe to talk we are far more likely to talk: that’s relational safety.  Without question the book of Song of Songs expresses the heart and passion of a Man and a Woman’s heart and love.

Song of Solomon 4:6-7 The sweet, fragrant curves of your body,
   the soft, spiced contours of your flesh
Invite me, and I come. I stay
   until dawn breathes its light and night slips away.
You're beautiful from head to toe, my dear love,
   beautiful beyond compare, absolutely flawless.

As I write to my beloved church today it’s with great pride. I am proud of who you are and what you have done. On Monday I watched so many who dreamed a God-sized dream and watched it come to fruition. The event was the Rwanda golf tournament held at Tri-Mountain Golf Course. One thing was certain: the cause was way bigger than the event. The event was first-class. What a blessing to see all the work that went into making this day a huge success. Countless hours of visionaries who worked using their God-given talents to convince business members, the public and the golf course staff that this tournament would work. During these times, golf tournaments have struggled even to get off the ground, but this tournament was full. They had a God-sized, God-given dream and it worked beautifully. I have had so many times where I have felt great pride from my church family and this was another one. It’s been said by others “I wish our church did something like that.” I have heard that statement about Liberty Bible Church more than anywhere else. Why do people say that about our church? I think it is because every time I hear it, it is attached to the hearts of our people! Whenever people give genuinely of themselves, it impacts those around them. We do that a lot around here and I thank the Lord for that!

Last month I wrote to you about the importance of investing in your marriage.My challenge to you was to plan a date or get away for just the two of you to be together. Well, did you do it? I hope so! If not, why wait any longer? Make plans and go have some fun together. Proverbs 5:18 Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. Have you ever done something and later regretted it? I’m sure we all have done things we wish we would have done differently. What if we could avoid some of the most common marriage mistakes? Well this month I’m going to write about common mistakes couples make with the hope to help us avoid these marriage mess makers.

Rule # 1 Never sleep on the couch (unless you are sick or snore real bad). Couches are great for reading a book or newspaper or watching TV or a movie but are not designed for sleeping on. Guys even if you have a bad day together never undermine the marriage commitment by pulling away and sleeping on the couch. Mature couples are grounded enough to sleep in the same bed and by doing so are saying I’m still committed even though today was not a marriage highlight. In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, Ephesians 4:26 

Rule #2 Never bash the spouse with your parents. If you have ever gone through a rough patch in your marriage you may have considered talking with your parents for advice. One problem with this is most parents have a hard time being objective. Remember if you want unemotional unbiased advice you won’t get this from most parents. Parents more often side with their adult kids. So don’t throw your spouse under the in-law bus. Likely you will get things worked out in the marriage and if you did run to your parent during a fight don’t be surprised when your spouse doesn’t want to go to that next family get together. Counsel is good but I would encourage that you get good counsel from a Christian counselor, pastor or a friend of the same sex who has strong biblical values. The only time I would bend this rule is if you are in real crisis, for example if your spouse is a risk to themselves or if they pose a threat to you then tell the parents! Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall become united and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24(Amplified Bible) 

Rule #3 Never degrade your husband. Respect is a big deal to a man; men long for and aspire to be respected. Mature men seek respect in healthy ways because it’s so important to a man to be respected. The immature man is still desperate for respect and will use intimidation, possessions and self exaltation. I’ve seen women who joke with words like wimp, coward, geek, and loser. If you got no reaction or a harsh reaction know that a guy’s manhood is tied to respect. So here’s the rule: build him up and be careful not to directly or indirectly chip away at his need to be respected. Final thought...think about the things he does that are worthy of appreciation and focus on the positive. Proverbs 31:23 Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. 

Rule #4 Never underestimate the importance of how a woman sees herself. Men, ladies are hardwired with a need to be cherished. A woman’s appearance is big deal; it’s a part of who they are as a woman. You can crush a woman’s heart and spirit with harsh, critical words or just by not responding to her beauty. Have you ever heard your wife say “I tried to look good for you.” Guys, that is a clue that she cares deeply about how she looks and she cares about how you see her. Many wives have experienced deep pain in this area because of unmet expectations and damage done from sinful choices of a husband. If a husband views pornography of any kind or has an affair, the damage done to his wife’s view of herself is catastrophic. If you want to be married to a queen, be a king, the kind of husband that adores his wife. Proverbs 12:4 An excellent wife is the crown of her husband.

Well I’ve quickly run out of room, so if you want to see the remaining 6 ‘Never’s’, I will post them to the church website on September 1. Finally, I believe your spouse is a gift from God to you. Hopefully these practical tips will help you on your way to a better marriage.