Last month I wrote to you about the importance of investing in your marriage.My challenge to you was to plan a date or get away for just the two of you to be together. Well, did you do it? I hope so! If not, why wait any longer? Make plans and go have some fun together. Proverbs 5:18 Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. Have you ever done something and later regretted it? I’m sure we all have done things we wish we would have done differently. What if we could avoid some of the most common marriage mistakes? Well this month I’m going to write about common mistakes couples make with the hope to help us avoid these marriage mess makers.

Rule # 1 Never sleep on the couch (unless you are sick or snore real bad). Couches are great for reading a book or newspaper or watching TV or a movie but are not designed for sleeping on. Guys even if you have a bad day together never undermine the marriage commitment by pulling away and sleeping on the couch. Mature couples are grounded enough to sleep in the same bed and by doing so are saying I’m still committed even though today was not a marriage highlight. In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, Ephesians 4:26 

Rule #2 Never bash the spouse with your parents. If you have ever gone through a rough patch in your marriage you may have considered talking with your parents for advice. One problem with this is most parents have a hard time being objective. Remember if you want unemotional unbiased advice you won’t get this from most parents. Parents more often side with their adult kids. So don’t throw your spouse under the in-law bus. Likely you will get things worked out in the marriage and if you did run to your parent during a fight don’t be surprised when your spouse doesn’t want to go to that next family get together. Counsel is good but I would encourage that you get good counsel from a Christian counselor, pastor or a friend of the same sex who has strong biblical values. The only time I would bend this rule is if you are in real crisis, for example if your spouse is a risk to themselves or if they pose a threat to you then tell the parents! Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall become united and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24(Amplified Bible) 

Rule #3 Never degrade your husband. Respect is a big deal to a man; men long for and aspire to be respected. Mature men seek respect in healthy ways because it’s so important to a man to be respected. The immature man is still desperate for respect and will use intimidation, possessions and self exaltation. I’ve seen women who joke with words like wimp, coward, geek, and loser. If you got no reaction or a harsh reaction know that a guy’s manhood is tied to respect. So here’s the rule: build him up and be careful not to directly or indirectly chip away at his need to be respected. Final thought...think about the things he does that are worthy of appreciation and focus on the positive. Proverbs 31:23 Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. 

Rule #4 Never underestimate the importance of how a woman sees herself. Men, ladies are hardwired with a need to be cherished. A woman’s appearance is big deal; it’s a part of who they are as a woman. You can crush a woman’s heart and spirit with harsh, critical words or just by not responding to her beauty. Have you ever heard your wife say “I tried to look good for you.” Guys, that is a clue that she cares deeply about how she looks and she cares about how you see her. Many wives have experienced deep pain in this area because of unmet expectations and damage done from sinful choices of a husband. If a husband views pornography of any kind or has an affair, the damage done to his wife’s view of herself is catastrophic. If you want to be married to a queen, be a king, the kind of husband that adores his wife. Proverbs 12:4 An excellent wife is the crown of her husband.

Well I’ve quickly run out of room, so if you want to see the remaining 6 ‘Never’s’, I will post them to the church website on September 1. Finally, I believe your spouse is a gift from God to you. Hopefully these practical tips will help you on your way to a better marriage.